One of my favorite free-time activities is reading, and one of my favorite topics to read about is relationships. After reading a bunch of books about relationships, I would like to recommend the 3 following books that I think everyone should read. These books, based on my personal opinion, can help you choose a suitable partner. Besides, they teach you to behave reasonably in a relationship.
1. Men are from Mars – Women are from Venus (John Gray)
This book always comes first in my recommendation list for my friends and family, or for anyone who asks me about relationship advice.
The reason for that is because this book explains in great detail about the fundamental differences in biology as well as psychology between men and women. There are a lot of obvious differences that are easy to relate to in everyday life. However, because some people do not have knowledge about these differences, so often they would go against the rules of nature and end up upsetting their partner.
After reading this book, everyone will understand the basic needs of each “planet”. For example, men and women have different needs. Women need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. On the other hand, men want trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement.
Each of these needs will be explained in detail in the book.
2. Act like a lady, think like a man (Steve Harvey)
This book is especially recommended for ladies, men can skip this one :))
Written by the famous comedian Steve Harvey, this book is an easy read with some good laughs in between. The values and tips the book brings are definitely worth considering.
From the viewpoint of a man, the author wrote this book hoping that his daughter will read it and understand what a man really wants when he starts a relationship with her.
One of the great tips from this book that I think is worth sharing is the 5 questions any girl should ask before getting in too deep with a potential long-term partner:
- What are your short-term goals?
- What are your long-term goals?
- What are your views on relationships?
- What do you think about me?
- How do you feel about me?
3. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love (Amir Levine, Rachel S. F. Heller)
I didn’t read a paper version of this book, I listened to it on Audible.
After listening to the book, I found out that there are 3 main types of people in this world:
- The Secure: takes up about 50% of the population
- The Anxious: takes up about 21% of the population
- The Avoidant: takes up about 25% of the population
The last type and a rare type is Disorganized, which will not be discussed in the book.
The book points out that there is no good or bad type, we should embrace who we are. However, we should make conscious efforts to lean towards the Secure type because it’s the most fulfilling and sustainable type of attachment.
Couples made up by Secure types are normally the happiest ones with the least drama in their relationship. The reason is because they are secure with themselves and with their partner, thus their communication is more efficient. Moreover, they can freely discuss their opinions as well as their wants and needs in the relationship.
A lot of other couples are made up as a combination of one Anxious and one Avoidant. Like opposite magnets, they attract each other. To recognize these types, some examples are:
- The Anxious: crave closeness and intimacy, get insecure super easily, call repeatedly to check on his/her partner, play the distant game as a punishment to their partner when he or she feels insecure.
- The Avoidant: not willing to commit, not comfortable with closeness, try to push the partner away when sensing things are getting too close, focus on their partner’s flaws to make them less attractive. However, after an Avoidant breaks up with his/her partner, he/she will fantasize about the ex and have a desire to be back with their ex.
This book suggests great strategies for the Anxious to be less anxious and the Avoidant to be less avoidant, which brings them both closer to being a Secure type.
After finishing this book, my biggest takeaway is: Don’t try to stay in a bad relationship and think you can change someone. You can’t. And you shouldn’t.
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I hope my sharing was helpful 🙂 If you have read any of these books or have recommendations about books in the same topic, feel free to let me know in the comments 🙂